We designed the 'sign up' process to be as painless as possible – you don't need to create a new account, validate your contact details or enter your bank account details! But things don't always go to plan. If you don't seem to be able to connect with each other, try the following troubleshooting steps:
- The most common problem is when people enter different email addresses and phone numbers for each other – try double-checking the details you have both entered are matching
- Are the contact details entered the right way round? (Your partner's first, then your own)
- Check that the app has not incorrectly guessed the country code prefix for your phone numbers
- Do both devices have good connections to the internet? They will need to be online to be able to connect you both
- It can take a few moments to validate the connection, please be patient
- If you have other email addresses/phone numbers, try those instead (you will both need to enter the same new values)
- If you are still unable to connect, please try uninstalling the app from both devices, then re-install it on both devices from the app store, and go through the 'sign up' process again
- If you have tried everything you can, please contact us – we want to get you started up as easily as possible!
You should be able to uninstall togethr like any other app.
However there is an Android glitch we're aware of that can hinder uninstalling the app on some devices – we're working to improve that. If you have enabled 'Extra Privacy Mode' at some point, you will need to go through an additional step before you can uninstall the app. The additional step is to disable the app as a 'device administrator', like this:
- Go to the device settings menu
- Click on 'Security' (e.g. under the 'More' tab)
- Click on 'Device Administrators' (usually about half way down)
- On the list of 'Device Administrator' apps, untick togethr
- It should ask you to confirm, click 'Deactivate'
You should then be able to uninstall the app in the usual way.
Life gets busy – very busy. Even though it's your most important relationship, it's so easy not to engage with your loved one. When giving love, often without thinking we can naturally revert to how we prefer to receive love rather than what's really important to the other person – a disconnect – it's almost as though we're speaking different languages! Sometimes we can give love, but the other person doesn't feel loved – because that form of love just isn't important to them. In fact, showing love with this disconnect can produce more pain and upset than love!
togethr's Love Values quiz questions measure what's important to both you and your partner. That allows the app to display your values on a neat chart, and to give you timely suggestions and reminders relevant to what's important to your partner in particular. Your relationship will be impacted when you deliberately give love your partner in a way they value.
We were initially inspired by The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. If you don't have it, get it now! It explains the concepts brilliantly – it will switch on some lightbulbs for you! (It has 4.7 out of 5 stars after 3,862 customer reviews on Amazon!) However after reading the book, you're left with a few problems: How can I find out which things my partner and I value most? (The profiling they provide isn't great, togethr establishes the answer with much better questioning.) Are the love languages comprehensive? (There are 2 additional Love Values.) What if my profile was skewed by my mood at the time? (Their profiling is a one-off test, togethr's is established over time.) How can I remember my partner's love languages? I can't even remember my own a few weeks after reading the book! (You can look up both your own and your partner's Love Values in togethr at any time) My partner's love languages don't come naturally to me - I need help (togethr gives you timely suggestions and reminders.)
What are the Love Values?
- Time – A person with Time as their primary Love Value feels loved by getting their partner's attention. It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you're spending quality time alone together. Not getting your partner's undivided attention when together hurts more for you than it does for others.
- Service – A person with Service as their primary Love Value feels loved when their partner does things for them, especially when you feel you need help, or when they didn't have to. "Actions speak louder than words." Laziness or broken commitments hurt more for you than they do for others.
- Words – A person with Words as their primary Love Value feels loved by affirming and encouraging words. Insults or unkind words hurt more for you than they do for others.
- Touch – A person with Touch as their primary Love Value feels loved when connected physically – hugging, holding hands, sex. Your partner being distant, pulling away or brushing you off hurts more for you than it does for others.
- Respect – A person with Respect as their primary Love Value feels loved when they feel important, and their efforts are recognized. Being mistrusted or misjudged hurts more for you than it does for others.
- Gifts – A person with Gifts as their primary Love Value feels loved by physical tokens. It can be small or inexpensive, but it's the thoughtfulness and effort that you appreciate. Forgotten birthdays and lack of thought hurts more for you than it does for others.
- Transparency – A person with Transparency as their primary Love Value feels loved when connected emotionally – sharing thoughts, openness, listening. Dishonesty or shutting down communication hurts more for you than it does for others.
But the book covers the overlapping concepts in much greater detail – if you don't have it, get it now!
We had the same idea – you could set targets for your partner, earn points towards coupons, and so on.
Obviously it's great to make your relationship fun, but we realised that this 'gamification' of your most important relationship actually ends up having the opposite effect of what was intended – reducing generosity and co-operation, and increasing self-interest and unhealthy competition.
introducing an incentive makes people less likely to share than they did before … even tokens with no monetary value completely changed the way in which people helped each other …
The team devised an experiment where subjects in small and large groups had the option to give gifts in exchange for tokens.
They found that there was a social cost to introducing this incentive. When all tokens were "spent", a potential gift-giver was less likely to help than they had been in a setting where tokens had not yet been introduced.
The same effect was found in smaller groups, who were less generous when there was the option of receiving a token.
"Subjects basically latched on to monetary exchange, and stopped helping unless they received immediate compensation in a form of an intrinsically worthless object [a token] …
"The really interesting finding in the study is that tokens change the behavioural foundations of co-operation, from generosity in the absence of the tokens, to self-interest when tokens are present."
"It's striking that once tokens become available, people generally do not help others except in return for a token."
… it is evidence for an already observed phenomenon called "motivational crowding out", where paying an individual to do a task which they had already planned to do free of charge, could lead people to do this less".
Or see another article in the Huffington Post reporting on comments by some prominent psychologists:
"gamifying" one's relationship may seem like a positive (albeit unique) way to reconnect with one's partner, not everyone is on board … rewarding one partner for "filling the love tank" of the other could produce an unhealthy "exchange mentality" within the couple.
"You can't substitute gamification for those core things people strive for," …
You can install Onavo Count to understand how you use your mobile data.
If you would like to minimise mobile data usage in togethr, one option that may help is to change the setting for updating feeds to WIFI-only.
- All communication between togethr apps and servers is over secure HTTPS/SSL channels – the same security used for online banking.
- The contact details entered during the 'sign up' process are hashed using SHA-256 before being sent to the server. Once you are connected to your partner, the contact details you entered are simply deleted, except your partner's nickname and phone number which is kept in a private storage area within the app so that you can use the 'call' shortcut button.
- Your messages/content are only be sent to the user you were connected to on sign up. (Except for features that allow you to explicitly choose to 'share' content with other services, such as sharing your Love Values chart on facebook.)
- togethr goes much further than just using HTTPS/SSL though. Before your data is sent to your partner, the app first scrambles it using strong encryption. That means unlike other services your messages are only readable on your device and your partner's device – no-one else in between can listen in – not even us!
- The app uses public-key (asymmetric) encryption in a standard way: the content is first encrypted using 256-bit AES with a random key. (AES/CBC/PKCS7Padding to be precise.) That key is then encrypted with your partner's public key using 1024-bit RSA. (And your own public key, so you can also read your own content.) The encrypted content and encrypted random asymmetric key are then safe to transfer to the recipient. Encryption is performed on Android using the Open Source SpongyCastle library.
- Your (encrypted) data may be stored on our servers. Our server application uses industry standard Spring Security for strict authentication and access-control. Our server applications and databases are hosted by Amazon – see their Security Center page for details of the extensive protection they provide.
- If you decide to create a togethr account, your private key is encrypted and stored on our secure servers. It is encrypted using the same 256-bit AES method used for messaging content, but with your password stretched using PBKDF2(HMAC-SHA1) as the key. If you choose to use a weak password, the privacy of your content may be at risk. We recommend that you use a strong password, for example by using a tool like LastPass to generate one.
- Your content and keys are stored on your device within a private area in an unencrypted state. This is generally considered safe because Android protects this area from access by other apps, but if a sufficiently skilled and determined attacker gains physical access to your device (e.g. steals it), or the app is used on a rooted or jailbroken device, or the device is compromised by malware or some other security breach, then the privacy of your content will be at risk.
- You may wish to use 'Extra Privacy Mode', which uses your device lock to protect access to the app.
There are some optional add-ons/products available for purchase within the app. We promote things we think will help you, for example specific gifts your loved one may appreciate and enjoy, books to help grow your relationship, and local deals. When you buy something we pointed you to on Amazon or GroupOn for example, we earn a small referral, with no additional cost to you. There are also a small number of ads.
Thanks for asking! Any of the following would be much appreciated:
- Tell your friends about togethr and encourage them to install the app – or better still, ask if you can install it on their phone for them!
- Leave positive feedback and a good review on the store you installed the app from, e.g. Google Play
- Click through from the togethr app to a store (Amazon or GroupOn for example) and buy things – we earn a small referral for this, with no additional cost to you (we may even get a small referral for items bought from that store shortly afterwards too) – for example, you could:
- Buy some of the Recommended Books or Special Deals
- Add things to your wishlist in the app, and when you are ready to buy something click the 'Buy Now' button on the wishlist to take you to the store to buy it
- Let us know if you have any great ideas on how to improve the app, or would like to contribute relevant content
- And you can always get in touch to donate directly too!